DILLDAPP ADUMB - A DONKEY'S TALE
n an old typically Western Sydney suburb whose peaceful image was reflected in the spillage waters of a carwash, there lived a poor couple by the name of Braydle.
Bad luck was his constant companion, and had she, a seam-stress, not had her needles, life would often have been very difficult. But both of them lived in hope of better times and dreamed, as people in need so often do, of the good fortune and a color TV, which would one day come. For the time being, there was new trouble every day.
Their greatest worry was their second son, Dilldapp Adumb. First born Heydung had long fled the nest and was into something called 'Rushmeteavee' that lost vast fortunes and cost him some fame, but he at least could walk, talk and chew a wad.
Dilldapp Adumb was a good boy, but he had a blockhead instead of a brain, so that he got everything wrong and did everything wrong. Nothing worked. Sweeties & a taste of this and that given to him by father and mother didn't help; nor were clips on his ear, clouts on his head, or bangs on his nose of the slightest use.
"You dunce, you donkey, you clown, you dimwit, you buffoon", and so it went on all day long. Dilldapp Adumb was unconcerned and passed the time eating, drinking and licking plates clean, so that he became as heavy as a sack of flour, as fat as an eel, as shiny as an onion, as red as the coat of a trumpeter and as shapeless as a stuffed pug.
His parents took to calling him Adilldumb. It was very difficult to get him to move away from his seat near the fire. - "Adilldumb, bring me some wax!" And stupid Adilldumb would bring flax. - "Bring me thread!" Adilldumb would bring bread. He never brought what he was supposed to bring. Instead of a hat, he would bring in a dead rat; instead of a box, two cocks; instead of driving home the goat, he would arrive with a coat; instead of fetching a jar, he would return with an iron bar etc. One day his mother wanted to do the washing and called to him: "Adilldumb Adum fetch me a bucket of water!" Adilldumb went off, and came back hours later with a barrow of mortar...
Mrs Braydle took a up her heckel and gave him a blow on the head with it. It made such a loud noise that Adilldumb got a fright and ran down the stairs. He grabbed his skate board and ran off, ran up hill and down dale, through forests and fields, lands and sands, sticks and stones, thistles and thorns and did not stop until he could see nothing in the darkness of the night. He had run over the sun and into the coloured window panes of the sunset. The stars hung up their thousand lanterns in the sky and the moon patrolled as nightwatchman to see who was running so desperately.
Adilldumb ran on and on. Towards morning he came to a beach. The fish laughed at Adilldumb's stupid face and called to him: "Adilldumb, don't take a boat; you would do better to jump across on your skateboard!" Adilldumb believed them, thought it would indeed be better; he jumped high but very short and landed in the water. Plop!! - He made quite a splash. He swam and swam blindly but before Adilldumb crawled out of the water onto a nearby island, the fish ate all the food in his pockets and mocked him laughing even louder than before.
Now Adilldumb finally came to, stopped, stood still on the white beach and looked around him on all sides. - "You've made a fine fool of yourself, you idiot!" giggled an seagull. A minah bird called from a nearby tree: "Hey! Adilldumb, you must be very hungry! Why don't you reach into yonder hole in the sand where you will find fresh lamingtons!" Adilldumb believed him and stuck his hand quickly into the hole. It was a mud crab's den: Crusty Ricksneger the bone crusher was already waiting for him and took off the end of his finger. "Ouch!" cried Adilldumb and fell over backwards in fright, right into a large fire-antheap. The fire ants instantly enveloped him completely.
This entertaining spectacle gave rise to great excitement. Fruit bats and finches, woodpeckers and parrots, dragon flies and beetles, musangs and monitors chuckled and laughed; even the sea slugs, mud skippers and jellyfish splashed loudly and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Ha-ha and ho-ho and quackettyquack: " You fool, you dildo, you clown, you dimwit, you buffoon!" and so it resounded with laughter on all sides in the island. Adilldumb wormed his way out, wiped the crawling insects out of his eyes, tried to escape, stumbled and fell on to a piece of rock, as he thought. But what he had taken for a boulder was in fact a resting wild donkey which now sprang up and off, carrying Adilldumb away on its back. So no sooner had Adilldumb more or less rescued himself from his black antheap than the donkey made off with him to an air conditioned cave in the deepest darkest jungle.
Here sat a big fat bugiman who went by the name of Pork Kung, magically illuminated, of such goodness of heart that it could be measured with yardsticks. - "Oh, Behold this child! how horrid!" - The face of the bugiman was as large as a bale of pepper, its nose as wide as a bellows, its eyes as large and round as the wheels on a barrow, its mouth gaped open like the postman's bag. Adilldumb sprang off the donkey and started to talk his usual nonsense, whereupon the bugiman realised that such foolish prattle could only come from a Dilldapp.
It shook with laughter, and Adilldumb laughed as well. - "So be it! Stay here", said the hulk. So Adilldumb entered into its service. All he had to do was to scratch the bugiman's back, since it was too wide to do so itself. But it was not ungrateful and in return scratched honest Adilldumb's back, and the two of them usually fell asleep over their labors. Pork Kung taught Adilldumb to shadow box and lie no matter what was asked of him.
After a year, the ugly giant said to Adilldumb: "Your parents are waiting for you at home. Go back to them. You have served me faithfully and I will reward you by keeping your gold watch and giving you a present of my magic donkey. But I give you this gift on one condition: you must never take hold of the donkey's tail and imagine it is the handle of a pump!" - "Thank you", said Adilldumb. Thinking the donkey a poor trade for his gold watch but fearing the bugiman, Adilldumb hatched a plan to even the trade. He crept into Pork Kung's room as the giant snored and stole the deeds to the entire island. After all Pork Kung had taught him well. Before the bugiman woke Adilldum set off with the donkey. In the next clearing, Adilldumb stopped. So that he would not forget what he was forbidden to do, he repeated the monster's words: "You are not to think the donkey's tail is a pump-handle!"
As he was recalling the words to his mind, he happened to catch the tail of the donkey and pumped. Out of the donkey fell hard, shiny, gold coins - a great number of them.
Adilldumb was too stupid to be astonished. He took off his jacket, tied the sleeves together and made a money bag out of it. He rode to the very best hotel in Jakarta, ordered a huge bowl of super mie and hung his heavy money-bag over his head on the wall. Adilldumb ate to his heart's content and also fed his donkey well. When the innkeeper, Osolomelio, came with the bill, Adilldumb asked: "Good sir, what do you owe me?" "With respect and your permission," replied the innkeeper, "it is I who is to get something from you" - "How much?" was Adilldumb's The innkeeper had recognised Adilldumb for the dunce he was and told him what the bill was, explaining his calculation: "Twenty-times supermie, sir, makes Rp250,000 no wine and bread - comes to Rp50,000 in all; no lodgings - Rp75,000, a bundle of straw and stabling for the fine donkey - Rp100,000, my cap doffed 25 times - Rp125,000; and 25 inquiries about your name comes to Rp750,000 in all. - If you please!"
- "That is very cheap", said Adilldumb, reaching into his money-bag. - "My goodness! What is that heavy thing you have hanging on the wall?" asked the innkeeper, "that must be a dreadful burden during your travels!" - "You are quite right, innkeeper. Would you be so good as to take the bag? You can take out the Rp750,000 and throw away the rest.!" - Whereupon Adilldumb mounted his donkey and trotted off in the best of humours towards the town of his birth.
When he reached Sydney, he rode without delay through the back lanes past the dunnies to his parents' house, tied up the donkey and ran straight into the kitchen. Father Braydle and his mother no sooner caught sight of him than they embraced him. Adilldumb wept for joy. All at once he cried out: "My dear parents, you will never have to work again; I have brought you a donkey which will give you more gold than you have ever dreamt of. - It is waiting outside!" They both rushed out and did indeed see a donkey. Adilldumb gripped the donkey's tail, pumped and cried: "Gold! Gold! Gold!" -
Now the news went up Quiksolder' Lane and down Rapcurlers' Alley and right across the town to Cronulla: "Adilldumb, Braydle's dunce, has brought good fortune home with him!" Indeed - children and fools can catch hold of good fortune. The whole town came running and crowded around Braydles' house. The people showed their true nature: they were full of resentment and envy. Some were so overcome with greed that they purchased shares in the magic donkey! Sydneys biggest purveyors of travel and the finest waterwear begged Adilldumb to solicit on their behalf.
Reporters and spies, tax collectors and officials from all sorts of institutions and government departments gave the Braydle's no peace. And things got worse and worse. Finally the police arrived full of suspicion, began to investigate and said:
Ho! ... Ha! Let's X-Ray this donkey forthwith!
Now the Braydle family realised that what they had dreamed of was not in fact great good fortune; they understood now that what is called happiness in this world is a peaceful and tranquil life, but never ever gold.
Now they wished that the magic donkey was nothing but an ordinary donkey. One morning, on his father's instructions, Adilldumb Braydle took the animal by the bridle to bring it back into the forest. The whole town followed the two of them. Some of the boys took the donkey by the tail and pumped. Loud laughter arose and they all called out: "Adumb, you blockhead, that is not gold: that is just donkey dung!"
Bad luck was his constant companion, and had she, a seam-stress, not had her needles, life would often have been very difficult. But both of them lived in hope of better times and dreamed, as people in need so often do, of the good fortune and a color TV, which would one day come. For the time being, there was new trouble every day.
Their greatest worry was their second son, Dilldapp Adumb. First born Heydung had long fled the nest and was into something called 'Rushmeteavee' that lost vast fortunes and cost him some fame, but he at least could walk, talk and chew a wad.
Dilldapp Adumb was a good boy, but he had a blockhead instead of a brain, so that he got everything wrong and did everything wrong. Nothing worked. Sweeties & a taste of this and that given to him by father and mother didn't help; nor were clips on his ear, clouts on his head, or bangs on his nose of the slightest use.
"You dunce, you donkey, you clown, you dimwit, you buffoon", and so it went on all day long. Dilldapp Adumb was unconcerned and passed the time eating, drinking and licking plates clean, so that he became as heavy as a sack of flour, as fat as an eel, as shiny as an onion, as red as the coat of a trumpeter and as shapeless as a stuffed pug.
His parents took to calling him Adilldumb. It was very difficult to get him to move away from his seat near the fire. - "Adilldumb, bring me some wax!" And stupid Adilldumb would bring flax. - "Bring me thread!" Adilldumb would bring bread. He never brought what he was supposed to bring. Instead of a hat, he would bring in a dead rat; instead of a box, two cocks; instead of driving home the goat, he would arrive with a coat; instead of fetching a jar, he would return with an iron bar etc. One day his mother wanted to do the washing and called to him: "Adilldumb Adum fetch me a bucket of water!" Adilldumb went off, and came back hours later with a barrow of mortar...
Mrs Braydle took a up her heckel and gave him a blow on the head with it. It made such a loud noise that Adilldumb got a fright and ran down the stairs. He grabbed his skate board and ran off, ran up hill and down dale, through forests and fields, lands and sands, sticks and stones, thistles and thorns and did not stop until he could see nothing in the darkness of the night. He had run over the sun and into the coloured window panes of the sunset. The stars hung up their thousand lanterns in the sky and the moon patrolled as nightwatchman to see who was running so desperately.
Adilldumb ran on and on. Towards morning he came to a beach. The fish laughed at Adilldumb's stupid face and called to him: "Adilldumb, don't take a boat; you would do better to jump across on your skateboard!" Adilldumb believed them, thought it would indeed be better; he jumped high but very short and landed in the water. Plop!! - He made quite a splash. He swam and swam blindly but before Adilldumb crawled out of the water onto a nearby island, the fish ate all the food in his pockets and mocked him laughing even louder than before.
Now Adilldumb finally came to, stopped, stood still on the white beach and looked around him on all sides. - "You've made a fine fool of yourself, you idiot!" giggled an seagull. A minah bird called from a nearby tree: "Hey! Adilldumb, you must be very hungry! Why don't you reach into yonder hole in the sand where you will find fresh lamingtons!" Adilldumb believed him and stuck his hand quickly into the hole. It was a mud crab's den: Crusty Ricksneger the bone crusher was already waiting for him and took off the end of his finger. "Ouch!" cried Adilldumb and fell over backwards in fright, right into a large fire-antheap. The fire ants instantly enveloped him completely.
This entertaining spectacle gave rise to great excitement. Fruit bats and finches, woodpeckers and parrots, dragon flies and beetles, musangs and monitors chuckled and laughed; even the sea slugs, mud skippers and jellyfish splashed loudly and enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Ha-ha and ho-ho and quackettyquack: " You fool, you dildo, you clown, you dimwit, you buffoon!" and so it resounded with laughter on all sides in the island. Adilldumb wormed his way out, wiped the crawling insects out of his eyes, tried to escape, stumbled and fell on to a piece of rock, as he thought. But what he had taken for a boulder was in fact a resting wild donkey which now sprang up and off, carrying Adilldumb away on its back. So no sooner had Adilldumb more or less rescued himself from his black antheap than the donkey made off with him to an air conditioned cave in the deepest darkest jungle.
Here sat a big fat bugiman who went by the name of Pork Kung, magically illuminated, of such goodness of heart that it could be measured with yardsticks. - "Oh, Behold this child! how horrid!" - The face of the bugiman was as large as a bale of pepper, its nose as wide as a bellows, its eyes as large and round as the wheels on a barrow, its mouth gaped open like the postman's bag. Adilldumb sprang off the donkey and started to talk his usual nonsense, whereupon the bugiman realised that such foolish prattle could only come from a Dilldapp.It shook with laughter, and Adilldumb laughed as well. - "So be it! Stay here", said the hulk. So Adilldumb entered into its service. All he had to do was to scratch the bugiman's back, since it was too wide to do so itself. But it was not ungrateful and in return scratched honest Adilldumb's back, and the two of them usually fell asleep over their labors. Pork Kung taught Adilldumb to shadow box and lie no matter what was asked of him.
After a year, the ugly giant said to Adilldumb: "Your parents are waiting for you at home. Go back to them. You have served me faithfully and I will reward you by keeping your gold watch and giving you a present of my magic donkey. But I give you this gift on one condition: you must never take hold of the donkey's tail and imagine it is the handle of a pump!" - "Thank you", said Adilldumb. Thinking the donkey a poor trade for his gold watch but fearing the bugiman, Adilldumb hatched a plan to even the trade. He crept into Pork Kung's room as the giant snored and stole the deeds to the entire island. After all Pork Kung had taught him well. Before the bugiman woke Adilldum set off with the donkey. In the next clearing, Adilldumb stopped. So that he would not forget what he was forbidden to do, he repeated the monster's words: "You are not to think the donkey's tail is a pump-handle!"
As he was recalling the words to his mind, he happened to catch the tail of the donkey and pumped. Out of the donkey fell hard, shiny, gold coins - a great number of them.
Adilldumb was too stupid to be astonished. He took off his jacket, tied the sleeves together and made a money bag out of it. He rode to the very best hotel in Jakarta, ordered a huge bowl of super mie and hung his heavy money-bag over his head on the wall. Adilldumb ate to his heart's content and also fed his donkey well. When the innkeeper, Osolomelio, came with the bill, Adilldumb asked: "Good sir, what do you owe me?" "With respect and your permission," replied the innkeeper, "it is I who is to get something from you" - "How much?" was Adilldumb's The innkeeper had recognised Adilldumb for the dunce he was and told him what the bill was, explaining his calculation: "Twenty-times supermie, sir, makes Rp250,000 no wine and bread - comes to Rp50,000 in all; no lodgings - Rp75,000, a bundle of straw and stabling for the fine donkey - Rp100,000, my cap doffed 25 times - Rp125,000; and 25 inquiries about your name comes to Rp750,000 in all. - If you please!"
- "That is very cheap", said Adilldumb, reaching into his money-bag. - "My goodness! What is that heavy thing you have hanging on the wall?" asked the innkeeper, "that must be a dreadful burden during your travels!" - "You are quite right, innkeeper. Would you be so good as to take the bag? You can take out the Rp750,000 and throw away the rest.!" - Whereupon Adilldumb mounted his donkey and trotted off in the best of humours towards the town of his birth.When he reached Sydney, he rode without delay through the back lanes past the dunnies to his parents' house, tied up the donkey and ran straight into the kitchen. Father Braydle and his mother no sooner caught sight of him than they embraced him. Adilldumb wept for joy. All at once he cried out: "My dear parents, you will never have to work again; I have brought you a donkey which will give you more gold than you have ever dreamt of. - It is waiting outside!" They both rushed out and did indeed see a donkey. Adilldumb gripped the donkey's tail, pumped and cried: "Gold! Gold! Gold!" -
Now the news went up Quiksolder' Lane and down Rapcurlers' Alley and right across the town to Cronulla: "Adilldumb, Braydle's dunce, has brought good fortune home with him!" Indeed - children and fools can catch hold of good fortune. The whole town came running and crowded around Braydles' house. The people showed their true nature: they were full of resentment and envy. Some were so overcome with greed that they purchased shares in the magic donkey! Sydneys biggest purveyors of travel and the finest waterwear begged Adilldumb to solicit on their behalf.
Reporters and spies, tax collectors and officials from all sorts of institutions and government departments gave the Braydle's no peace. And things got worse and worse. Finally the police arrived full of suspicion, began to investigate and said:
Ho! ... Ha! Let's X-Ray this donkey forthwith!
Now the Braydle family realised that what they had dreamed of was not in fact great good fortune; they understood now that what is called happiness in this world is a peaceful and tranquil life, but never ever gold.
Now they wished that the magic donkey was nothing but an ordinary donkey. One morning, on his father's instructions, Adilldumb Braydle took the animal by the bridle to bring it back into the forest. The whole town followed the two of them. Some of the boys took the donkey by the tail and pumped. Loud laughter arose and they all called out: "Adumb, you blockhead, that is not gold: that is just donkey dung!"
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